Don't Let Disappointment Turn Into Bitterness

My church appears to be under spiritual attack. In the last few months we’ve lost people suddenly, had some people hospitalised and others are awaiting test results. This week, half of the members went down with covid so we’ve been forced to postpone our Spring Supper outreach event. It all feels a bit bewildering and has got to the stage where every time I receive an email I’m almost afraid to open it because I’m wondering what has happened now.

We all experience disappointment in life in one form or another; the relationship that failed, the promotion that was given to someone else, the injury that caused us to miss out on a trophy, the person who seemed to be a friend but proved untrustworthy. More significantly; the death of a loved one, the loss of a livelihood, the child born with disabilities, the diagnosis of a terminal illness. The list is endless.

It may be stating the obvious, but anyone who has been a Christian for any length of time will tell you that they have experienced just as much pain and suffering as the non-believer living down the road. Sometimes, more.

The problem is that, whether we recognise it or not, a lot of our theology has been shaped by the prosperity gospel; God wants us to be healthy, wealthy and happy and to live our best life now. So, when this is not our experience, we subconsciously feel that we must have done something wrong, or that God doesn’t love us, or has abandoned or forgotten us. Instead of remembering that the Christian life is a daily battle, we wonder “why me?”

We feel that we cannot voice our disappointment with God as Christians aren’t meant to have such feelings, so we internalise it and in time it can make us bitter and angry.

Recently, I was listening to a sermon and the preacher told an incredible story about two Swedish missionary families that had gone to serve in a remote location in the Congo. When they arrived, the tribes people were extremely hostile and refused to even let them speak, let alone settle amongst them. One family gave up and moved somewhere less remote. The remaining couple with their small child were forced to build a mud hut, outside the area, in the jungle. The only concession from the tribes people was that a young boy could bring them eggs and chickens every so often. During his visits, the wife shared the Gospel with this young boy who, after some time, made a profession of faith.

Shortly after giving birth to their second child, the wife died from an illness leaving the husband with an apparently fruitless ministry and two small children in the middle of nowhere. He gave up, took the newborn baby (Aggie) to the original missionary family and left her with them. He returned to Sweden with the toddler and walked away from the faith completely refusing even to allow God’s name to be mentioned in his presence. He married his wife’s sister, who wasn’t a believer, and had four additional children, then became an alcoholic and developed diabetes. The missionary couple that had fostered Aggie also died in a suspected poisoning so she was handed to a childless couple who happened to be visiting at the time.

This sad story would be seriously depressing if it ended here.

The couple later adopted Aggie and she went on to marry and have her own children. One day, she received a copy of a magazine from an anonymous sender in the post. There was a picture of a gravestone in the Congo and she recognised her mothers name. Reading the article, she discovered that the little boy who her mother had witnessed to had founded a Christian school in his village and had shared the Gospel with many others. There were now 600 believers in that area alone!

Aggie decided that she had to share this news with the now ailing father who had abandoned her. She went to his bedside and when she started to speak about God he cut her off stating that God had deserted him in the jungles of the Congo all those years before. She persisted and told him about the little boy and the many converts. Hearing this, he turned back to God then died a few weeks later.

Hearing this story, many things went through my mind. Humanly speaking, the whole thing seems impossible. What if the little boy hadn’t understood the message, or hadn’t cared enough to tell anyone, or hadn’t been the type to assert himself, or had died at a young age? Any of these things would have been possibilities, maybe even likelihoods, without God orchestrating events.

What of the man who, having started well, had allowed his disappointment and grief to turn to bitterness turning his back on God until his final days. What of his second wife and the children he had raised as a non-believer angry with God. What a tragic waste.

We can almost find ourselves feeling sorry for this man and thinking that his reaction is understandable. He had given up everything to serve God on a foreign field and as well as the rejection by the natives, God had allowed him to be stripped of everything that was important to him. It was only when, years later, God in His mercy revealed that the pain and suffering had not all been purposeless, that he repented of his bitterness.

It’s worth asking ourselves whether our faith would stand up to these tests. Will we serve God when our ministry appears fruitless, when we face one setback after another, or even when we face serious persecution?

I’m not wanting to minimise the suffering in our nation, but for some perspective, I’ve just read In God’s Underground by Richard Wurmbrand, a pastor in Communist Romania who was imprisoned for many years and tortured for his faith. The violence is described in graphic and horrifying detail so don’t rush out and buy it if you are sensitive.

When we face disappointments, we should acknowledge them and allow ourselves time to grieve the loss of a person, opportunity or ministry. We can ask God the why questions but we may not get an answer (Job didn’t). We may need extra support, encouragement and help from our church family for a while, or maybe longer.

However, we mustn’t allow our disappointments to turn to bitterness and fester in our soul damaging our relationship with God. This is the devil’s ultimate goal, he doesn’t just want to cause a Christian pain, or make them suffer on Earth, he wants to cause them to doubt God and to destroy their faith completely leading to eternal torment. The spiritual battle is real and we must be ready to fight even when things seem impossible, or circumstances threaten to overwhelm us.

Imagine dealing with all these difficulties as a non-believer. Then, the suffering is pointless with no hope even in death.

As believers, God promises never to leave or forsake us. He is with us in the disappointments of life that will inevitably come our way. Let’s persevere and keep trusting Him in the knowledge that we have eternal life in Heaven to look forward to!

Do Not Worry About Tomorrow

I haven’t written for a while so was trying to think of a title that sums up the last few years. I settled on this as being apt.

Non-believers reading this may initially agree as phrases like “live for the moment”, “your best life now”, “only one life, live it”, “there’s probably no god so stop worrying and enjoy life”, or even “eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die”, come to mind. 

But is this what the Bible means?

The pandemic highlighted our collective mortality in a way that hasn’t happened in my lifetime and that probably hasn’t happened in the UK since the end of the Second World War. To a greater or lesser degree our movements were suddenly restricted, and our perspective forcibly changed. The reminder that despite our “progress” as a society, we aren’t really in control of anything.

Personally, I struggled with something akin to burn-out during this period as suddenly all the outreach dried up and I was forced into lengthy spells of isolation with nothing constructive to do. I understand that everyone was in the same boat, but it definitely impacted individuals in different ways. I also appreciate that for some not having work was a relief, even a blessing, but I found that my zeal for evangelism died a sudden and dramatic death.

Perhaps, the exhaustion of enthusiasm with no outlet was the problem, or maybe the seeming endlessness of the situation with multiple lockdowns, and cycles of hope then disappointment. Or maybe it was the frustration that Christians seemed to be panicking as much as non-Christians. Or the horror of so many deaths of non-believers to a lost eternity.

I really don’t know, but I do know that when the outreach restarted, I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to go to church or see other people. So, I definitely didn’t want to put on a fake smile and attempt to share the Good News with others.

So, I jumped ship. I took a few months out with family before relocating and attempting to return to secular work for the first time in a decade.

It wasn’t long though before the summer missions started at which point my energy inexplicably returned, and I was forced to admit that my heart wasn’t in my new job.

Changing course once again, I booked a summer of missions which has now almost come to an end.

It’s been a great summer, full of opportunity and Gospel conversations. Probably, the best I’ve experienced. People seem so much more open than a few years ago, but only God truly knows where their hearts are.

So, looking back, what have I learned?

Apart from the obvious, that nothing is wasted in God’s economy, even a time of confusion, discouragement or burn out.

I learned to take one day at a time.

People often ask me whether I get tired doing so many missions. They ask how it’s sustainable. A few years ago, I would have said something about living all out for Christ because He died for me or something similarly bold and lacking humility. Whilst the fact is true, the thinly veiled slight is that others should be doing the same and are not, which is really nothing to do with me.

Yet, Paul and others who worked tirelessly for the Kingdom always attributed their energies to God and His grace towards them rather than their own efforts or zeal. It’s also possible to be zealous with the wrong purpose or for the wrong things, or to be inconsistent or insincere.

If, at the start of the summer, I looked ahead at the many weeks of mission yet to be completed, I would probably faint under the weight of expectation or feign illness so I could pack up and go home.

If, instead, I take each day as it comes and try to make the most of the opportunities on that day alone, the burden is lighter, and the work even becomes enjoyable for the most part. 

If I am tired, I will rest so that I’m better prepared for the following day. More experienced leaders on mission teams often remark that we’re not involved in some kind of test of endurance when choosing to pack up early in the rain. 

We have different characters and temperaments which are in play here as some are naturally enthusiastic or all or nothing type people, whilst others may be more measured or have more of an inner passion. But we are all also influenced by sin including pride and self-sufficiency on the one hand and false guilt, irresponsibility and laziness on the other.

Balance and sustainability are important. If we go all out for a season and then are forced to spend time recovering from burnout, what more have we achieved than someone who has steadily and consistently persevered, perhaps at a slower pace or with less outward enthusiasm. We may even have caused damage by being unreliable or letting people down.

When the Bible speaks of not worrying about tomorrow, it isn’t telling us to “live it up”, it’s reminding us that there is no point in worrying about the future because we don’t have any control over it. Our lives are as vapour, here today and then gone tomorrow.

Instead, we should focus on the day in front of us and make the most of that day as we may not be blessed with another one.

God gives us the energy, strength and grace for one day at a time.

Have YOU Counted the Cost of Coming to Christ?

I finished reading yet another book late last night; Captive in Iran.  I realised that for the third time this month I had been challenged in an area of Christian life that is rarely spoken about in the West; the persecution of Christians. This was also the subject of the books Tortured for Christ  and The Hidden Altar. I have been thinking about this subject as it is rarely the focus of our Sunday messages, most likely because we don't tend to suffer the same type of persecution that is highlighted in these books. But how would we respond as individuals if God allowed these situations into our lives or the lives of our families and friends?

"Captive in Iran" tells the story of Maryam Rostampour and Marziyeh Amirizadeh, two women born into Muslim families in Iran that converted to Christianity in their later teens. Both relay similar stories of dissatisfaction with Islam, a growing sense of emptiness and a sincere desire to know the truth about life, faith and God resulting in their eventual conversions. Although their sisters are mentioned frequently in the book, their parents are not. I'm guessing this was one of the consequences of their individual decisions to follow Christ. The two women, strangers at this stage but having had similar experiences already, met during a Theological Training course in Turkey with "Elam."

The organisation supplied them with a large quantity of New Testaments in the Farsi language. Bravely these women brought these to Iran, where it was and is illegal to "spread the Christian faith" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christianity_in_Iran) especially amongst Muslims (the majority religion.) Over a 3 year period they covertly placed 20,000 of these Bibles in the hands of people they had conversations with in the street or in restaurants and left them in other public places. They each carried in their backpacks 10/15 Bibles for giving away whenever they went out. They marked the areas covered on a map which is featured in the book and shows extensive activity. They relay almost being stopped by security police at a checkpoint when they had 3000 Bibles in their vehicle but due to a commotion further up  the line (and after desperate prayer) they passed right through. What these two women did is incredible and likely reached countless souls for Christ in a country where Christian Bibles are not easily accessible and the "gospel of Barnabas" (conforms to the Islamic interpretation of Christian origins and contradicts the New Testament teachings of Christianity,) creates confusion for many (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Barnabas.)

In the end, the inevitable happened and these two courageous women were arrested by the Iranian secret police. They were detained on charges that were never officially and clearly relayed to them in writing but the gist of it was two fold; promoting the Christian faith and apostasy (converting from Islam to Christianity which if proven carries the death penalty.) You might think the story would end at this point but the bulk of the book is about their evangelistic witness whilst in prison! Shortly after their detention, in terrible conditions that most of us would not even want to dream about, they came to believe that God brought them into prison for the purpose of reaching those within the walls.

"Though I had no way to give her a Bible, her request was another reminder of how easy it was to witness behind bars compared to the work we had done on the outside. Maryam and I didn't have to look for prospects or sneak New Testaments into their mailboxes. We could talk to them openly, rather than hiding behind closed doors or in basements. Our fellow prisoners were hungry for the truth. Desperate for it. The guilty ones felt the weight of sin for their crimes and believed Islam condemned them to punishment or death. They had lost all hope until they heard the good news of the true God. On the surface the prison environment seemed to be a dead end. At the same time, the truth of Jesus, His love for sinners, and His atonement for their sins, was a miracle to these inmates , a balm for even the oldest and most painful wounds in their souls. Most of these women had lost all hope of salvation....... And because we were already in prison for promoting Christianity, we figured we might as well shout the good news of Jesus Christ from the rafters."

During their 9 month detention, they actively shared with prisoners, guards, officials and even judges. They did this with few (if any) material resources and often whilst suffering from chronic illness due to the harsh conditions

"As I carried the box to the trash, I looked through it, just in case. Even trash might have some value in prison. To my surprise I found a pocket-size Gospel of Luke mixed in with the scraps and castoffs. "God has answered your prayers," I said, handing it over. "Now you can read a portion of the authentic Bible you've always wanted. As word got around, many, many prisoners wanted to read it. Before long, dozens of women had their first look at the true Christian Scriptures, reading the little volume signed by one of the most powerful men in the church (Archbishop Ramsey- Former Archbishop of Canterbury,) who had died more than twenty years before and whose little pocket Gospel had miraculously turned up under a bed in a women's prison in the middle of Islamic Iran."

Their case began to be highlighted internationally and people around the world  campaigned for their release. This created an embarrassing situation for the Iranian authorities who needed the girls to apologise or at least to distance themselves from their bold statements about their faith in Jesus Christ as their personal Saviour and Lord. This from one such frustrated Judge during the proceedings;

"Of course, you are aware that I am allowed by our religious law to cut you in half with a sword right now," he fumed at them , his voice rising. Then he regained control of himself. "But I prefer to leave it to the law to decide."

I'm not going to spoil this very readable story by relaying any further detail here suffice to say that I would recommend this book for adults. It is clean in terms of language, except for one use of God's name in vain early on, there is some violence and sexual content but it is not in graphic detail.

I am reluctant to place a health warning here but it is necessary especially for less mature Christians who may be confused by some of the content. These women speak of charismatic type subjective experiences (tongues, prohecy, healing etc) that led to their conversion to Christianity. They mention dreams of Jesus and at times prophetic dreams leading them to confidently assert that several prisoners will be released within a certain time frame. Indeed a man involved in their eventual release states that Jesus appeared to him personally in a dream and "ordered" him to help them out of their situation. This man is described as a non-religious figure who "can connect to all the prophets." Later one of the women gets into an argument with an official figure about whether or not she has actually heard the audible voice of God. Although this is not a main theme in the book it could be dangerous for readers to place too much/any emphasis on these type of experiences especially as none of them seem to happen as a result of the Holy Spirit speaking through the Word of God. The Bible also makes it clear that there will be no new revelation as it is sufficient for all situations/circumstances here on earth.

Despite the health warning, I believe that this book, the others I have mentioned and others on the subject of the persecution of Christians in various parts of the world, written recently and historically should be examined and considered carefully by sincere Christians. When reading these books and others I have been greatly encouraged by those who took a stand for their faith,  but this has also been mixed with a tinge of fear. Some of the experiences these writers have gone through are truly terrible in terms of living conditions, chronic illness, loss of liberty, physical punishment (even torture,) loss of family members and the list goes on. This not mentioning the emotional impact of all of these things over time.

What if God required this or something worse of you or me? Christians are keen to quote verses reminding us that God won't allow us more than we can bear but how much could we really handle? What about Paul and Job, what was their breaking point? Are we anywhere near our limits of endurance when facing the often trivial things that we moan and complain about every day? Have we truly counted the cost of following Jesus as these fellow believers did? Would we be able to maintain our behavioural witness whilst in prison and suffering for it? What if we were languishing there knowing that an apology and partial recantation would result in immediate release? What if our family members were not saved and were desperate for us to take this course? What if we were sentenced to die and only had to amend our public statement of faith slightly to avoid execution? Would we waver? How soon will it be before we are faced with these choices in the West? Are we prepared? Have we even thought about it?

Finally, What are we doing to help those persecuted Christians around the world in terms of prayer and financial support? Could we do more to help them? Are we called to go to these countries ourselves? Are we resisting that call due to fear?

"And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you"  Luke 14 vs 27-29

"And He summoned the crowd with His disciples, and said to them, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." Mark 8 vs 34

"So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions." Luke 14 vs 33

"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ" Philippians 3 vs 7-8

"If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Luke 14 vs 26

"Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted."  2 Timothy 3 vs 12

"Because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved." Matthew 24 vs 12-13

The Fog

Have you ever found yourself wandering around in fog for such a long time that you end up forgetting what life was like before the fog? And then finally you emerge after days, weeks or even months and wonder why you didn’t make more of an effort to find your way out of the fog before…like perhaps when you first entered it! Suddenly everything is back in focus and things are crystal clear. You feel a sense of freedom and great relief….

The enemy often seems to work like this but the fog appears so gradually that we don’t notice it at first. Things do get harder but we attribute it to the trials of life and concentrate on navigating through the fog rather than trying to find the escape route. We pray that God will help us to endure rather than considering that God may not want us to remain in the circumstances. We think the “spiritual” thing to do is to persevere. We don’t consider what will happen if the fog begins to overwhelm us and we start to lose track of ourselves in the midst of it.  When this happens we foolishly believe that we have come so far already and persevered for so long that any attempt to exit now would make the journey so far a waste. We forget that we are learning all of the time and that God has a purpose in everything we experience, even seemingly meaningless times of floundering in fog.

When emerging from the fog we have two choices. We can either waste more time regretting the experience/wishing we had done things differently or exited before or we can PRESS ON, re-join the Christian race and continue pursuing the things we had on our hearts before we encountered the fog. Re-joining the race will often mean leaving others behind and it can be a lonely path. But it is the ONLY option for the Christian who has his heart set on the ultimate goal; eternity with Christ in heaven.

Consider the words of Spurgeon as an encouragement to leave the fog behind and to reach out to those who are not just temporarily incapacitated (by fog) but who are permanently blind and living in darkness without hope in this life

“Even if I were utterly selfish, and had no care for anything but my own happiness, I would choose, if I might, under God, to be a soul winner, for never did I know perfect, overflowing, unutterable happiness of the purest and most ennobling order, till I first heard of one who had sought and found a Saviour through my means.”