I haven’t written for a while so was trying to think of a title that sums up the last few years. I settled on this as being apt.
Non-believers reading this may initially agree as phrases like “live for the moment”, “your best life now”, “only one life, live it”, “there’s probably no god so stop worrying and enjoy life”, or even “eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die”, come to mind.
But is this what the Bible means?
The pandemic highlighted our collective mortality in a way that hasn’t happened in my lifetime and that probably hasn’t happened in the UK since the end of the Second World War. To a greater or lesser degree our movements were suddenly restricted, and our perspective forcibly changed. The reminder that despite our “progress” as a society, we aren’t really in control of anything.
Personally, I struggled with something akin to burn-out during this period as suddenly all the outreach dried up and I was forced into lengthy spells of isolation with nothing constructive to do. I understand that everyone was in the same boat, but it definitely impacted individuals in different ways. I also appreciate that for some not having work was a relief, even a blessing, but I found that my zeal for evangelism died a sudden and dramatic death.
Perhaps, the exhaustion of enthusiasm with no outlet was the problem, or maybe the seeming endlessness of the situation with multiple lockdowns, and cycles of hope then disappointment. Or maybe it was the frustration that Christians seemed to be panicking as much as non-Christians. Or the horror of so many deaths of non-believers to a lost eternity.
I really don’t know, but I do know that when the outreach restarted, I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to go to church or see other people. So, I definitely didn’t want to put on a fake smile and attempt to share the Good News with others.
So, I jumped ship. I took a few months out with family before relocating and attempting to return to secular work for the first time in a decade.
It wasn’t long though before the summer missions started at which point my energy inexplicably returned, and I was forced to admit that my heart wasn’t in my new job.
Changing course once again, I booked a summer of missions which has now almost come to an end.
It’s been a great summer, full of opportunity and Gospel conversations. Probably, the best I’ve experienced. People seem so much more open than a few years ago, but only God truly knows where their hearts are.
So, looking back, what have I learned?
Apart from the obvious, that nothing is wasted in God’s economy, even a time of confusion, discouragement or burn out.
I learned to take one day at a time.
People often ask me whether I get tired doing so many missions. They ask how it’s sustainable. A few years ago, I would have said something about living all out for Christ because He died for me or something similarly bold and lacking humility. Whilst the fact is true, the thinly veiled slight is that others should be doing the same and are not, which is really nothing to do with me.
Yet, Paul and others who worked tirelessly for the Kingdom always attributed their energies to God and His grace towards them rather than their own efforts or zeal. It’s also possible to be zealous with the wrong purpose or for the wrong things, or to be inconsistent or insincere.
If, at the start of the summer, I looked ahead at the many weeks of mission yet to be completed, I would probably faint under the weight of expectation or feign illness so I could pack up and go home.
If, instead, I take each day as it comes and try to make the most of the opportunities on that day alone, the burden is lighter, and the work even becomes enjoyable for the most part.
If I am tired, I will rest so that I’m better prepared for the following day. More experienced leaders on mission teams often remark that we’re not involved in some kind of test of endurance when choosing to pack up early in the rain.
We have different characters and temperaments which are in play here as some are naturally enthusiastic or all or nothing type people, whilst others may be more measured or have more of an inner passion. But we are all also influenced by sin including pride and self-sufficiency on the one hand and false guilt, irresponsibility and laziness on the other.
Balance and sustainability are important. If we go all out for a season and then are forced to spend time recovering from burnout, what more have we achieved than someone who has steadily and consistently persevered, perhaps at a slower pace or with less outward enthusiasm. We may even have caused damage by being unreliable or letting people down.
When the Bible speaks of not worrying about tomorrow, it isn’t telling us to “live it up”, it’s reminding us that there is no point in worrying about the future because we don’t have any control over it. Our lives are as vapour, here today and then gone tomorrow.
Instead, we should focus on the day in front of us and make the most of that day as we may not be blessed with another one.
God gives us the energy, strength and grace for one day at a time.
