Don't Let Disappointment Turn Into Bitterness

My church appears to be under spiritual attack. In the last few months we’ve lost people suddenly, had some people hospitalised and others are awaiting test results. This week, half of the members went down with covid so we’ve been forced to postpone our Spring Supper outreach event. It all feels a bit bewildering and has got to the stage where every time I receive an email I’m almost afraid to open it because I’m wondering what has happened now.

We all experience disappointment in life in one form or another; the relationship that failed, the promotion that was given to someone else, the injury that caused us to miss out on a trophy, the person who seemed to be a friend but proved untrustworthy. More significantly; the death of a loved one, the loss of a livelihood, the child born with disabilities, the diagnosis of a terminal illness. The list is endless.

It may be stating the obvious, but anyone who has been a Christian for any length of time will tell you that they have experienced just as much pain and suffering as the non-believer living down the road. Sometimes, more.

The problem is that, whether we recognise it or not, a lot of our theology has been shaped by the prosperity gospel; God wants us to be healthy, wealthy and happy and to live our best life now. So, when this is not our experience, we subconsciously feel that we must have done something wrong, or that God doesn’t love us, or has abandoned or forgotten us. Instead of remembering that the Christian life is a daily battle, we wonder “why me?”

We feel that we cannot voice our disappointment with God as Christians aren’t meant to have such feelings, so we internalise it and in time it can make us bitter and angry.

Recently, I was listening to a sermon and the preacher told an incredible story about two Swedish missionary families that had gone to serve in a remote location in the Congo. When they arrived, the tribes people were extremely hostile and refused to even let them speak, let alone settle amongst them. One family gave up and moved somewhere less remote. The remaining couple with their small child were forced to build a mud hut, outside the area, in the jungle. The only concession from the tribes people was that a young boy could bring them eggs and chickens every so often. During his visits, the wife shared the Gospel with this young boy who, after some time, made a profession of faith.

Shortly after giving birth to their second child, the wife died from an illness leaving the husband with an apparently fruitless ministry and two small children in the middle of nowhere. He gave up, took the newborn baby (Aggie) to the original missionary family and left her with them. He returned to Sweden with the toddler and walked away from the faith completely refusing even to allow God’s name to be mentioned in his presence. He married his wife’s sister, who wasn’t a believer, and had four additional children, then became an alcoholic and developed diabetes. The missionary couple that had fostered Aggie also died in a suspected poisoning so she was handed to a childless couple who happened to be visiting at the time.

This sad story would be seriously depressing if it ended here.

The couple later adopted Aggie and she went on to marry and have her own children. One day, she received a copy of a magazine from an anonymous sender in the post. There was a picture of a gravestone in the Congo and she recognised her mothers name. Reading the article, she discovered that the little boy who her mother had witnessed to had founded a Christian school in his village and had shared the Gospel with many others. There were now 600 believers in that area alone!

Aggie decided that she had to share this news with the now ailing father who had abandoned her. She went to his bedside and when she started to speak about God he cut her off stating that God had deserted him in the jungles of the Congo all those years before. She persisted and told him about the little boy and the many converts. Hearing this, he turned back to God then died a few weeks later.

Hearing this story, many things went through my mind. Humanly speaking, the whole thing seems impossible. What if the little boy hadn’t understood the message, or hadn’t cared enough to tell anyone, or hadn’t been the type to assert himself, or had died at a young age? Any of these things would have been possibilities, maybe even likelihoods, without God orchestrating events.

What of the man who, having started well, had allowed his disappointment and grief to turn to bitterness turning his back on God until his final days. What of his second wife and the children he had raised as a non-believer angry with God. What a tragic waste.

We can almost find ourselves feeling sorry for this man and thinking that his reaction is understandable. He had given up everything to serve God on a foreign field and as well as the rejection by the natives, God had allowed him to be stripped of everything that was important to him. It was only when, years later, God in His mercy revealed that the pain and suffering had not all been purposeless, that he repented of his bitterness.

It’s worth asking ourselves whether our faith would stand up to these tests. Will we serve God when our ministry appears fruitless, when we face one setback after another, or even when we face serious persecution?

I’m not wanting to minimise the suffering in our nation, but for some perspective, I’ve just read In God’s Underground by Richard Wurmbrand, a pastor in Communist Romania who was imprisoned for many years and tortured for his faith. The violence is described in graphic and horrifying detail so don’t rush out and buy it if you are sensitive.

When we face disappointments, we should acknowledge them and allow ourselves time to grieve the loss of a person, opportunity or ministry. We can ask God the why questions but we may not get an answer (Job didn’t). We may need extra support, encouragement and help from our church family for a while, or maybe longer.

However, we mustn’t allow our disappointments to turn to bitterness and fester in our soul damaging our relationship with God. This is the devil’s ultimate goal, he doesn’t just want to cause a Christian pain, or make them suffer on Earth, he wants to cause them to doubt God and to destroy their faith completely leading to eternal torment. The spiritual battle is real and we must be ready to fight even when things seem impossible, or circumstances threaten to overwhelm us.

Imagine dealing with all these difficulties as a non-believer. Then, the suffering is pointless with no hope even in death.

As believers, God promises never to leave or forsake us. He is with us in the disappointments of life that will inevitably come our way. Let’s persevere and keep trusting Him in the knowledge that we have eternal life in Heaven to look forward to!

The Consequence of a Wrong View of God

In a previous post, we looked at the folly of those who convince themselves that God doesn’t exist. However, those of us that do believe in God often make a mistake that is just as dangerous—we think of God as a human, and try to understand Him on that level. Maybe we allow Him some extra powers and abilities, or think of Him as a bigger version of ourselves, but we still make this fundamental error which affects everything that we do.

 

Volunteering for Chatnow, a Christian live-chat organisation taking calls from people all over the world, I can see that this flawed way of thinking is at the root of most of our problems. We don’t really understand what God is like or Who He is, or we choose to ignore what the Bible tells us about Him.

Sadly, I have spoken to people who believe that God exists, but who have decided to reject Him because of His failure to do what they perceive to be right. People who believe that a good God wouldn’t allow suffering in the world or “send” anyone to hell. They label God as “unfair” and determine that He is either indifferent to things here on earth or is lacking compassion. Worse, there are some who decide that He is cruel or vengeful based on their assessments of His activity or failure to act.

When I point out that suffering is caused by sin that entered the world originally through people, it usually falls on deaf ears. When I comment that God doesn’t want anyone to go to Hell, and that He has provided an escape through Jesus, for those who choose it, they don’t want to know. When I suggest that an indifferent or aloof God would hardly go to the lengths of sacrificing His Son to restore the broken relationship with them, they scoff. When I warn that in rejecting His offer, they are choosing the broad path to Hell, they don’t believe it.

There are also people who believe that God exists, but reject Him the minute He fails to deliver something they have demanded.  They treat Him as a genie or good luck charm to be called upon when they have a financial, material or relational need. They quote out of context verses about health, wealth and well-being and conveniently overlook passages about cross-bearing and counting the cost of following Jesus. Again, these attitudes come back to a wrong view of God.

Some of these erroneous views have come about due to the “God is our friend” theology. The Bible does speak of God as our Father and Jesus as a friend to sinners, but this should not be taken in a casual manner. God is not our chum, buddy or mate, He is worthy of our respect and total devotion, and should be approached through Jesus with reverence due to His holiness.  We need to remember Who God is according to the Bible, when we approach Him.

Try to imagine the earth (and humans) from God’s perspective—He created it (and us), He sustains it and He is in control. Now, imagine God looking down at a load of tiny, ant-sized people, marching around the earth, shaking their fists at Him, refusing to acknowledge Him in one way or another, and seeking to rebel against His authority. 

If this seems ridiculous, it really is, but it is a good analogy in terms of our comparative insignificance. This life is short. We are just a vapour that appears for a little while and then vanishes away (James 4 vs 14.) It is incredible that God pays attention to us at all, let alone watches over us with the kind of love and care that the Bible describes.

All of us suffer from this wrong perspective or wrong view of God, to some extent—we fail to consistently give Him the worship He deserves and we fail to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. We reduce Him to a god of our own making or try to put Him in a box of our own understanding. We relegate Him to a small corner of our lives and often only pay attention to Him when we are in trouble.

As soon as we start asking “Why?” questions of or about God, we need to be careful—there are a lot of things about God that He has chosen not to reveal to us, and others that our tiny human minds cannot comprehend. The bottom line, is that God is God and He can do whatever He wants. The fact that He chooses to involve us through prayer is a privilege not a right.

We read in Isaiah 55 vs 8-9:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

It can be difficult to use these verses when trying to help a Christian struggling with trials. They want God to explain Himself and feel that His failure to do so is due to inability or inadequacy on His part. They don’t consider that their perception may be completely wrong. 

In the Bible, Job made this mistake. He endured a lot more than most of us will ever have to deal with. He refused to curse God during his terrible suffering, even when his wife told him to! However, he did eventually ask God to explain Himself. He wanted a reason. He asked God, “why?” We all behave like Job, we want to know why bad things happen to “good” people and why things we see as unjust or unfair are allowed to continue.

We might expect that God would explain Himself to Job after all he had suffered. But, He doesn’t. He reminds Job of his comparative minuteness. God asks him whether he (Job) has the right to question the Creator of the universe and the One who sustains everything. He rebukes Job for his presumption. He details His power and greatness and makes it clear that Job is the creature and He the Creator, Job the clay and He the Potter (Job 38)

At this point, Job doesn’t say, “But you still haven’t explained yourself” or “How could you allow me to suffer in this way and not do anything about it?” or “I don’t like the decisions that you made, I’m going to serve a different god.” Unfortunately, that is how a lot of us respond when faced with trials and difficulties. We think that by walking away from or rejecting God, we can win the battle for supremacy, or somehow hurt God with our lack of allegiance or through sinful behaviour.

Pride is at the root of our rebellion, and Job, recognising this, humbled himself. In one of the most famous passages of the Bible which tells us more about Who God really is, he said, "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You; Therefore, I retract, And I repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42 vs 5-6) Job was a faithful and righteous man, but he had had a wrong view of God. He tried to reason with God on a human level and ended up in serious difficulty. 

When God revealed Himself to Job, his immediate response was repentance and humility. His view of God had been dramatically altered and it affected everything. Job’s only concern was to correct his earlier mistake, there was no longer any discussion of the suffering that Job had had to endure. He had seen who the God of the Bible really is and dared not question Him or suggest He was anything other than perfectly Holy.

As Christians, we must start with the right premise. We must believe what the Bible tells us about God. We must believe that everything He does is perfect, including allowing suffering on earth and creating a place called Hell. We must accept that God is perfectly just and that He cannot lie, that He doesn’t change His mind like humans do. God has many other attributes (for a fuller discussion read The Attributes of God by A.W.Tozer,) and all of them are consistent with His nature and character.

When our mind starts to ask why something is happening, let’s make the decision straight away to trust God.  If our brain begins to consider that maybe God has got something wrong. Let’s dismiss this immediately knowing that it cannot be true because God doesn’t make mistakes. If we wonder whether God is aware of something or whether He has forgotten us. Let’s remember the promises in Scripture—that He knows everything that is happening and that He will never leave nor forsake us.

We can be confident that all things are being worked out according to God’s sovereign purpose and that His plans are for our good. There will be many things about God that we can’t understand but we need to learn to trust Him anyway, because He is faithful. 

Let’s make sure that we have the right, Biblical view of God. It is best to assume that where there are question marks in our minds, it is either due to sin, or due to our finite minds being unable to fully comprehend a perfectly holy and omnipotent God.

Romans 11 vs 33-35

“Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?”

Numbers 23 vs 19

"God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent; Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?”

Is the Gospel the Answer to Every Problem?

Most of us analyse problems and situations and look for logical or sensible solutions. We often focus on the practical rather than the spiritual. It is human nature. It is also the natural tendency of Christians to think practically in the first instance because we are surrounded by earthly concerns. But are we really helping people? 

When we see a homeless person, our inclination is to want to feed and clothe the person and ultimately to see them finding housing. When someone has died, we offer the grieving relatives counsel and encouragement and tell them that time is a great healer and it will get easier. When dealing with someone with addictions we offer them twelve step programmes or rehab. When someone is arrested, or goes to jail, we send them material things, visit them in prison and try to lift their spirits encouraging them to focus on their release date. When someone is the victim of a crime we try to replace what was lost materially or pay their medical bills if they were assaulted. When a person loses their business, or has a financial crisis we might directly offer them money or a loan. When someone goes missing we help with the search and spread the word on social media. When someone is lonely we spend time with them or invite them round to our houses. When a person is being persecuted in another country we help them leave as a refugee. When someone is abused we offer counselling. The list is endless…

I have written in the past that help without hope is the ultimate tragedy. From a slightly different angle, I wanted to focus on whether we, as Christians, really believe that the Gospel is the answer to every human problem that we face. We often say it and offer to pray for people, but has it become something of a cliché? We give a lot more consideration to practical help, and the spiritual can be side-lined. What does a person in crisis really need? Do we believe that there is power to solve every earthly problem in the name of Jesus? What will the solutions look like? What happens when God’s ways are not ours?

Sometimes, when reading the news, which I do every day, I come across an article that moves me more than usual. It might stay in my mind and I might think about the person’s situation and want to help them. My mind immediately turns to finances or material help. 

Clearly, many people, believers and non-believers alike, are influenced in this way. Just look at the success of crowd funding or the donations that pour in for people whose plights are highlighted in the media or whose social media posts go viral. With the seemingly unstoppable march of technology it is now easy to connect with people whose stories we read from all over the world. We all want to help and money or material provision is one way to do that. We provide funds to help the person overcome their earthly trial and it might help, at least temporarily.

Then there are situations where time is needed—we might be inclined to visit someone or spend hours listening to their problems. Again, this may be helpful, for a time. 

The Bible encourages us to be generous with our money and resources, to visit those in prison and to look after widows and orphans. This can easily be extended to all those in crisis or facing trials, as the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbour as we love ourselves. So, practical help can be a biblical response.

However, the important aspect is where our focus is as we do these things. As Christians, we need to train ourselves to think firstly in terms of eternal matters rather than earthly concerns whatever they may be. Jesus is our example, he addressed the spiritual concerns of the paralysed man by forgiving his sin prior to healing him (Luke 5 vs 17-26.) From an earthly perspective, to onlookers, it would have appeared that the only need of the man was to be healed physically, but his burden of sin and eternal destiny was of far greater importance to Jesus. It should also be our priority as we seek to help others. 

The Bible tells us that we will all face trials of many kinds in our lifetime. Sometimes it takes a crisis to make a person think seriously about God. Immediately focusing on practical solutions may not be what they need from a spiritual perspective. God may be working in their life in another way. We need to be careful not to obscure their view of God or pathway to Him with our earthly wisdom.

Instead, we can offer hope to someone struggling through a trial by offering to pray for them not as a cliché, but in the sincere belief that it will actually help. We can contact a stranger via social media to share the Gospel with them in their time of need or desperation. We can visit, call or write to someone to share the hope we have found in Jesus. Whose responsibility is it to share with the individuals that we read or hear about in the news or on social media? Who will share real hope with that neighbour or friend as the large financial donation temporarily relieves the crisis? Maybe God is prompting you to be that person.

We might feel awkward and fear rejection if we try to offer a person hope when others are providing seemingly greater earthly gifts. We might worry that the person may see our offering as worthless in comparison—that they might think we offer words to avoid financial sacrifice ourselves. Of course, we can offer practical help as well, but which should be the priority and focus? 

Firstly, we should remember that any rejection of the Gospel message is actually a rejection of God rather than a personal one. Secondly, you might be surprised how willing a person is to hear the message of hope if your offering is covered with prayer and if God chooses to open their eyes. I recently received the following from one such stranger; “Thankyou for your message. It means a lot.” I contacted the person on social media, having debated whether or not to do so. I felt awkward and feared a hostile response or a “Who are you to get involved in my business?” or even the question that every Christian fears "If God loves me then why has this happened to me?" The enemy whispered that someone else should share with them, I didn't need to do it, but the fact is that God had prompted me. Don’t ignore those inner promptings of the Holy Spirit—I am not always faithful in responding but am learning.

The key here is whether we actually believe the things that we say we do. In my recent post about whether Christians really believe in Hell, I observed that if we did, we would do everything in our power to stop people ending up there, regardless the earthly consequence to ourselves. 

Similarly, if we really believe that forgiveness of sin through Jesus, leading to eternal life in Heaven is the answer to every earthly problem, then wouldn’t we offer that first to those facing trials.  If we really believe that the Gospel is the answer and provides the hope the person needs at that time, wouldn’t we risk it anyway, for their sake? We worry about political correctness and potentially offending someone, but if the Gospel is the truth then shouldn't a person’s eternal welfare be the priority.

What happens when God’s solutions are not our solutions? We need to be careful about offering people the “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life” version of the Gospel. We shouldn’t tell a person that God will remove them from their earthly trials or make everything better. God may require the suffering to continue for reasons we cannot fathom, but He promises to be with them in the middle of the struggle.  We can pray that the suffering would end, but we need to ensure we are offering hope for life beyond this one rather than focusing on the here and now. 

The Gospel is the answer to every problem because it sustains us in our earthly trials and offers hope for a future life in heaven. Let’s ensure we keep our focus and communicate this to others as we also help them practically.

“If I firmly believed, as millions say they do, that the knowledge of a practice of religion in this life influences destiny in another, then religion would mean to me everything. I would cast away earthly enjoyments as dross, earthly thoughts and feelings as vanity. Religion would be my first waking thought and my last image before sleep sank me into unconsciousness. I should labor in its cause alone. I would take thought for the marrow of eternity alone. I would esteem one soul gained for heaven worth a life of suffering. Earthly consequences would never stay in my head or seal my lips. Earth, its joys and its griefs, would occupy no moment of my thoughts. I would strive to look upon eternity alone, and on the immortal souls around me, soon to be everlastingly happy or everlastingly miserable. I would go forth to the world and preach to it in season and out of season. and my text would be, "What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul”

Anonymous atheist